I signed up to be part of the 2011 Adoption Bloggers Interview Project. Adoption bloggers, whether they be adoptive parents, birth parents or adoptees are randomly paired up to interview each other and post it on their blogs. For more information on the Project and to read other interviews click the button to the left.
Through this Project I was able to meet Taylor and learn about her family on their family adoption site at www.thehappiestsearch.blogspot.com and their family blog at www.spotthewonderblog.blogspot.com. It is so amazing to meet someone with similar circumstances to yours. In reading through Taylor’s blogs I have had so many of my feelings about adoption and infertility validated. What follows are my favorite quotes on Taylor’s blogs.
Writing about moving forward with their plans to adopt:
“The Lord needed me to give up my old dream. He took the thing that was the hardest and most dear to me. the thing that i wanted more than anything else and He asked me to sacrifice it. He needs me to know that i can give up my dream for His.”
“I will never again KNOW that a child belongs in my family, simply because I can feel him moving within my own pregnant body. I don’t know how on earth my children will make it into my arms; where they will come from, when they will arrive. I don’t know what they will look like, or how long it will take for them to get here. I have no concept of how they will defy all odds and make it into my family. This time around, I don’t have a pregnancy calender, reminding me daily of what is awaiting for my family ahead. Instead, we can only follow the spirit, and pray that he will guide us. And pray that we will KNOW.”
Writing about finding in adoption:
“The whole idea of someone wandering around with their heart on their sleeve, searching for these little spirits that are meant for their family, is just intoxicating.”
Writing about motherhood:
“Sometimes, it seems there are not really words to adequately describe the honor of being a mother. And because of my trials, I am reminded daily of how beautifully orchestrated my life really is.”
What did you think about the paperwork process to become prospective adoptive parents?
Oh paperwork…. sigh. Before we will have finalized our adoption, we will have used three different agencies; each with their own pile of paperwork. You really have to lay everything out there; it can feel very vulnerable. But, I guess I figured I would jump through fire if it meant that I would find my baby. I was willing to do what it took!
I have signed, re-signed, dated, addressed, verified, copied, scanned, and printed, more paper than I ever thought could possibly be involved!! At the start, it was quite overwhelming… But, just like with most things with adoption, you grow accustomed to the ever growing piles, and just learn to plow through it. We are using two different agencies for post-placement, (plus our birthmom and birthdad) that we send reports to each month. Each package includes updated pictures, letters, doctor forms, etc. It seems like as soon as we have finished collecting all the stuff for one package, it’s time to send another!! Busy, busy.
During your wait to be Adoptive Parents what got you through all of the ups and downs?
I always knew that our next baby was out there. I knew that we were going to find our baby; but I had no idea how. That was very overwhelming. I loved talking to other families in the adoption world. I loved knowing that others have “been there, done that”, AND SURVIVED!!
How did you cope with failed placements?
There was lots and lots and lots of tears. And prayer. When my body physically hurt from pain, I would continue to pray and pray and pray, until I didn’t feel like I was going burst anymore. And then I’d get up and face the world! My husband and I rallied up our little family, and moved forward, with as much grace as we could possibly muster up. Our children were hurt and confused, which was more painful to us than the initial feelings of despair, anguish, and disappointingly enough, betrayal…. I really faced every stage of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I think the best thing is to actually FEEL it. I never tried to act tougher than I was feeling. I would yell into my pillow, and just weep at night with my dear husband. We were very unprepared with the amount of heart break that would occur. The best thing for us was knowing that the Lord would never forsake us; we would feel whole again. He compensates for our losses.
What is one of your fond memories of the period of time between being chosen to be Grif’s parents and having him home with you?
Grif’s birthmother chose us to be his parents about 7 hours before his due date. True story. Once we got the call that we had been “chosen”, things seemed to be go-go-go. But, as we waited in that hospital room, waiting to meet our son the day he was born, time stood still. I remember so vividly when they rolled him into our room, my heart instantly said, “Oh there you are son… I’ve been waiting for…YOU…” Our hearts were already so intricately connected. My soul rejoiced. I had missed him, before I had ever met him. And here he was. Yes, I knew him after all; as if we had met before. Of course he was ours— his beautiful birthmothers, mine, my husbands, Gods. He was all of ours. And he was right where he was supposed to be. And then his birthmom, seeing him for the first time, reached into his bassinet, and immediately put him into my arms. And he was home.
How did Grif get his cute name? Was his birth mother involved in the naming?
All of our boys have one syllable, four letter names. We are pretty quirky. One day our oldest son told us that he has a baby “Grif” coming to our family. It sort of stuck We actually tried to name him something else once he was here, but our older sons refused to call him that, and only referred to him as “Grif”. His birthmom gave him his middle name.
How open is communication in Grif’s adoption?
We are very open! We chat (through facebook, email, letters, etc.) with his birthmom a few times a week. We don’t have her phone number, or her home address, but I’m hoping that things will evolve over to time to be that way. She lives across the country from us, so connecting online has been a huge blessing! We are very (VERY!!) happy with how our relationship has grown with her. It has come a long way… We hope for the same with his birth father, and his side of the family.
What is the best thing about adoption?
Oh boy. How do you answer such a loaded question? So many aspects. The best thing about adoption is all the love that is invested in one human; we all want what is best for this child!! The mother that walks away with a broken heart—she gave everything she could for that child. And the mother that gets to rock her sleeping child— she became everything she could for that child…
Adoption completes my soul.
What is the best thing about being a Mother to an adopted child?
When I look at each of my children, I think about the miracle each of them are. I simply CAN NOT believe they all made it into my family— each, defying all odds (literally) to get here. I do not parent or love any of my children in a different way, whether they have a genetic or adoption connection; they all have made me whole. So, the best thing about being a Mother, is that I get to be a part of their lives, each day. It is a joy and honor to see the Hand of the Lord in my life on a daily basis.
How and when will you tell Grif that he is adopted?
We tell him every day!! We celebrate adoption in our home. His birth family made a huge sacrifice for him to be in our family. We love his birth family. We know they love him.
Taylor and her family have suffered a great amount of loss through infertility and on their road to finding Grif. I am in awe of the strength of character she and her husband displayed during their trials and their unrestrained joy at the birth of their son, Grif. I am so grateful to know her better.
Oh, and guess what? Grif is part Cherokee too!